After you talk to me for an hour or so, it’s pretty obvious I have an oral fixation: I chew on my lips, I bite my fingers, I spend ages checking and reapplying my lipstick. If you have sex with me, it’s obvious in the first few seconds: I adore kissing, I venerate oral sex, and I’m the first one to grab the ball gag. I’m literally salivating now thinking about giving someone a blowjob. But when it comes time for someone to suck me off, I freeze. Because of a combination of OCD issues with wetness/stickiness, and gender dysphoria, I really dislike being on the receiving end of oral. Physically, I’m a fan of the sensation, but I can’t stop the creeping feelings of inadequacy. So to have something that replicates my favourite part of receiving oral while also being incredibly gender affirming? It’s nothing short of a miracle.
The BJ is a hollow dildo with a hole at the tip, so sucking on it delivers suction to the wearer’s clitoris. In order to get the best result for the blowee, the blower really has to focus on sucking, because touching and squeezing doesn’t transfer (but is still very visually appealing!). The sensation of the BJ is similar to clitoral pumping, in that it is arousing, draws blood to the genital area, but doesn’t feel the same as oral sex. You can’t fuck anyone with it, because your partner’s muscles would crush it in a second. Visually it is quite realistic, with prominent veins, and comes in three flesh tones. Though, if you do want something a bit less realistic, there is a fetching teal option. The silicone is fairly grainy, which gives it a bit of drag. While I generally steer clear of draggy silicone for insertables, I don’t mind this because the focus is on sucking, especially on the head. My partner said the texture of the silicone was not an issue for her either, when she used it on me. The suction decreases when they blower moves their mouth further away from the tip, which is not really a downside, because a blowjob would be pretty dull if all sensations were the same. Because of this, though, I found that it was a bit too long, because I find the suction very weak when the dildo is deep in my partner’s mouth. My tips and tricks for the BJ are as follows: Use it without a harness, and hold it with a hand at the base, maybe stroking up and down for some appealing visuals. This allows for a firmer seal, plus the suction is focused in the head, so you don’t really need the bottom-most portion of the dildo. As I’ve said before, focus on the head if you want to give the wearer suction, but don’t shy away from giving a bit of a show. Licking and kissing is sexy even if the blowee can’t feel it.
The BJ isn’t perfect, though. I really dislike the large base, because it means that I can’t get a good seal around my cock. The part that rests against my mons pushes the rest of the dildo up, because I have what I consider a fleshy mons. I find the base somewhat distracting during use, and it takes a while for me to ignore this big, seemingly pointless, flap of silicone and imagine that this is my cock that is getting sucked. The hole is also quite large – 1.5 inches across – which does mean that it can accommodate a lot of genital sizes, but that the suction is unfocused. I recognise that my larger-than-average cock would probably be too big for an average-sized hole, so I’m glad the BJ works for me, but it could work better. I find that my labia and the skin surrounding my cock are also sucked up along with it. This is, at best, distracting, and, at worst, painful. The large hole also means that my large outer labia need to be pushed out of the way, and also means, yet again, there isn’t a flat surface to get a good seal. Overall, the sensation of the BJ is less intense than direct sucking on my cock. This is frequently the only kind of oral stimulation I feel comfortable with, but it can sometimes be too intense, so the BJ is a gentle warm up. I have heard that a similar, now discontinued, dildo, the Jollies Mr. Man, had stronger suction than plain mouth-on-clitoris sucking, so if that was what you were looking for, I’m afraid you will be disappointed in the BJ. I would be crazy about the BJ if it didn’t have that flap on the base, had a slightly smaller hole, and was an inch shorter. My partner also finds that when using the BJ on me, the vein on the underside is somewhat distracting. The BJ is also a medium density silicone, so it isn’t as squishy as a flesh and blood penis would be, meaning that you can feel the veins at all times. My partner’s biggest complaint is that because of the poor seal, air comes through the hole, which both pulls her out of the right headspace and attacks her gag reflex. There was also a slight plastic smell on first use, but after a wash that went away.
The Form Function/Number One Labs BJ Dildo is never going to give me an orgasm, but, for once, that’s ok. If you want a gender-affirming dildo to turn your simulated oral into real oral, or if you are interested in suction on your clitoris but find manual suction too intense, this might be the toy for you. If you are looking for something with which to reach orgasm, maybe steer clear of the BJ. I’m not saying it’s impossible to reach orgasm with the BJ, just that you would have to have a very specific vulva shape, and also be quite sensitive. I feel like the BJ was made with the trans community in mind, but you don’t have to be trans to enjoy this dildo. It’s fun and unique, and can provide a whole new dimension to play. The BJ isn’t perfect, but I consider it similar to a binder (which I luckily no longer wear) or a packer. Neither of these things are going to give me orgasms, but that’s not what they’re meant to do. They’re meant to help physically manifest my identity, and make me feel more comfortable with how others perceive me. Not everything in sex has to be about getting or giving orgasms, but if it’s pleasurable, I don’t see why it would be a bad thing. I could get a simulated blowjob with any of my flesh-toned dildos, but being able to actually feel some of what is happening is something I have wanted for years. While the BJ delivers that weakly, with a few distracting downsides, it is the only dildo still in production that does what it does, so it still has a place in my heart.